


The Military Ball

by ImaSleepyBear



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Ballroom Dancing, Brotherhood, Brothers, F/M, Family, Gen, Multi, Parental Maes Hughes, Parental Roy Mustang, Party, Siblings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2019-10-11 20:58:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17454197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaSleepyBear/pseuds/ImaSleepyBear
Summary: Roy Mustang has decided that Edward Elric should attend the annual Military Ball. Hijinks ensue.





	1. In the Military, We Have Big Balls

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place shortly before the Elrics go to Liore and kick off the main plot. Also, it's based on the 2003 anime, but I'm trying to keep it vague enough to be possible in both continuities.

“Hey Havoc,” Fuery asked, “have you found a date for the ball yet?”

Before Havoc could reply, Breda cut in, “Or have you run out of women willing to be seen in public with you?”

Falman laughed while Havoc leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Very funny. As much as this may shock you, I _do_ have a date. Her name is Theresa, she’s totally hot, and, believe it or not, she wants to go with me to the ball.”

“What ball?” Al asked. He and Ed were sitting on the couch and waiting for Mustang to return to his office.

“The Military Ball,” Havoc replied. “We have one every winter.”

Falman elaborated, “It’s to celebrate our accomplishments during the year and honor the soldiers who lost their lives.”

“It’s also an excuse to bring along pretty girls who like men in uniform.” Breda gave Havoc a sly look. “Though some of us are more successful at that than others.”

“I told you, I _have_ a date! You’ll see her at the ball, and then you’ll be eating your words!”

Ed and Al looked at Hawkeye, who just rolled her eyes.

Havoc recovered from the insult. “Now that I think about it, Ed, you’re in the military. You could go if you wanted to.”

“Are you sure?” Fuery asked. “I mean, he’s just a kid.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“He probably _can_ go, but he might not want to,” Breda said. “It’s kind of a stuffy, uptight thing. There won’t be anyone his age, just a room full of adults making small talk and pretending to like each other.”

“You could try asking me if I want to go," Ed snapped.

“Okay. Do you want to go?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Alright then. Problem solved.”

The door opened, and Mustang finally entered.

“Hey Colonel,” Havoc asked, “did you find a date for the ball?”

“Is that what you girls do when I’m not here? Gossip about my love life?”

“No, actually, we were discussing the possibility of Ed going to the ball.”

“What, as my date?”

“No, as a member of the military.”

Mustang set his paperwork burden on his desk. He gave Ed a surprised look. The kid threw his hands up and said, “It wasn’t my idea.”

“You’re fifteen now, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I think you should go.”

The entire room stopped what they were doing and looked at him in shock. Fallman asked, “What makes you say that?”

“I want to show him off to the rest of the military and make myself look good.”

Everyone groaned.

“If that’s your only reason, then I’m not going.”

“Then here’s a better reason: I’m ordering you to.”

“What?! That’s not--”

“Wear your military uniform. And learn how to dance.”

“Hey Colonel,” Havoc spoke up, “I don’t know if we’ll be able to find a date for him.”

Ed grumbled, “I’m not bringing a date.”

Breda smirked. “You can lend him one of yours, Colonel.”

“Very funny.”

“I just said, I’m not bringing a date!”

“That’s fine,” Mustang replied. “You don’t need one. I’ll send a car to come pick you up on the night of the ball. You’re dismissed.”

“Wait, I--that’s not why I came here!”

***

“Stupid, scheming, self-centered social climber,” Ed grumbled. “All he cares about is impressing the higher-ups.”

“Even if that’s true, the ball could turn out to be fun. You’ve never been to one before.”

The Elrics were walking down the hall after finally concluding their business with Mustang.

“You heard what Breda said: it’s just a stuffy, pretentious party where a bunch of adults stand around and chit-chat.”

“If you brought a date, you would have someone to talk to.”

“Yeah, that’s true. I’m actually kinda worried that if I’m the only one without a date, I’ll stand out. But I’m not letting those clowns pick one out for me.”

“Maybe Winry--”

“Don’t even say it!”

They reached the front steps of Central Headquarters when they heard a voice behind them. “Edward! Alphonse!” The brothers turned around. Hawkeye was rushing to catch up.

“Oh, hey Lieutenant,” Ed greeted her. “Did we forget something?”

“I had an idea. You don’t have to bring a date, but you can bring Alphonse as your plus-one.”

The brothers exchanged looks. “I can?”

“The invitation allows you to bring a _guest;_ it doesn't say they have to be a romantic partner. You might stand out at the party, but nobody will object.”

“Hey, that’s a great idea! It’ll be so much better with you there, Al!”

“Thanks for the suggestion, Lieutenant!” Al said.

Hawkeye smiled. “You’re welcome, boys.”

“And this way, I don’t have to learn how to dance!”

“No, you still do.”

Ed’s face fell. “Aw, come on!”

“Someone at the ball might ask you to dance,” Hawkeye explained, “and you don’t want to embarrass yourself.”

“But where am I going to find someone to teach me?”

***

“No Ed, you step forward in one beat, but it takes two beats to step sideways.”

“That doesn’t make any sense! Who made up these stupid rules?”

“Just keep practicing,” Hughes said, “you’ll get it.”

“If I’m leading, I should get to decide when we step!”

Ed was practicing with Gracia while Hughes corrected him from the sidelines. Al sat next to the Lieutenant Colonel with Elysia on his knee. The little girl loved climbing all over the big suit of armor. She squealed and clapped her hands. “Mommy, spin me next! Spin me!”

“In a minute, sweetie. Let Mommy finish teaching your big brother Ed first.”

Ed sighed. “No, I need a break. Al, you want to give it a try?”

“Oh! Uh, sure! I’m ready.”

Hughes reset the record player. “Here Al, I’ll be your partner. Elysia, you can dance with Mommy now.”

“Yay! Spin me, Mommy!” Elysia slid off Al’s knee, and she and Gracia went to the other end of the living room to “spin.”

Ed sat down and watched Hughes demonstrate the basics to Al. “Alright kid, you’re leading, so you step off first. Always start with the left foot…”

After Al mastered the box step, he asked, “How much dancing will we actually be doing at the ball?”

“Well, the dancing is actually just a small part of it. First there’s cocktail hour, which is when you’re supposed to stand around and mingle. And then we have dinner, followed by a bunch of speeches. And then the dancing comes at the end of the evening.”

“That’s a relief. I thought we would have to dance the whole time.”

“Wait,” Ed said, “dinner? Al can’t eat.”

Hughes stroked his chin. “You’re right, that is a bit awkward. But it’ll be a busy place, and you’ll be sitting at our table. Nobody will notice or care that you’re not eating.” He turned the record player back on. “Now, let’s try doing it in time with the music.”

***

“Sir?”

Mustang looked up. “Yes, Hawkeye?”

Everyone else had already gone home for the evening. It was just the two of them now.

“Why did you really order Edward Elric to attend the ball?”

Mustang smiled and leaned back in his chair. “It’ll be a good experience for him. He’ll be forced to interact with a bunch of strangers in an unfamiliar and uncomfortable environment. And he won’t have his brother there to support him, so he’ll have to figure it out himself. The kid’s growing up; it’s time he started doing these things.”

He returned to his paperwork. Hawkeye didn’t move from her spot in front of his desk. Mustang paused. “Is there something else you need?”

She blinked. “Earlier, I suggested to Edward that he take his brother as his plus-one.”

“Ah. Well. He still has to learn how to dance.”


	2. Well-Mannered Guests

Streetlights flashed past the windows as the car drove through Central City. Ed tugged at the blue sleeves of his uniform. “Man, I can’t even remember the last time I wore this thing.”

“I’m surprised it still fits you,” Al said from the seat next to him. “Though I suppose that means you haven’t grown.”

 _“Watch it,”_ Ed growled. What Al said wasn’t entirely true; Ed may not have grown much taller since he was twelve, but he had grown bulkier. The jacket used to swallow up his childish frame, but now it felt a little tight. He wondered if he should have gotten a new one for the ball.

Ed sighed and looked out the window again. Snow covered the city and sparkled in the light of the streetlamps. Most of the businesses were either closed or closing, the employees yawning as they swept and cleaned. The car passed a couple walking down the sidewalk and laughing, their breath fogging the air. A father led one child by the hand and carried another on his back; the older child jumped around in the snow while the younger slept with her head on her father’s shoulder. Ed smiled at the sight.

The car turned, and the Fuhrer’s mansion came into view. Ed’s eyes grew wide. “Whoa…”

Al leaned over to look out his window. “It’s huge!”

It was indeed huge, and it was decked out for the ball. The front yard glowed with lanterns and lamp posts, and strings of lights ran along the edges of the building. Wreaths and ribbons were visible in every window. Banners depicting the Amestris crest hung every few yards. A wrought-iron arch had been placed where guests disembarked from their cars. Soldiers in crisp uniforms and sparkling medals escorted women in sweeping gowns through the arch and into the mansion.

The car pulled up to the entrance. Before Ed could open the door, a servant materialized and did it for him. He looked to Al in confusion before stepping out of the car and thanking the man. The servant then circled the car and opened the door for Al; he didn’t even blink when a giant suit of armor climbed out. Once that was done, the car pulled away, leaving the two boys on the curb.

“You ready, Al?”

“Ready as I can be. Are we sure it’s okay for me to be here?”

“Relax, buddy. What are they going to do? Carry you back outside?”

“If you say so…”

Ed held his arm out. Al looked at him, but didn’t move. “Come on, link your arm through mine.”

“I’m not your date. We’ll look stupid.”

“No, we’ll look like a couple of badasses who are comfortable going to a ball together. Now take my arm.”

Al sighed, but took his brother’s arm anyway. They approached the front doors, which had also been decorated with wreaths and ribbons. The doorman stepped forward to open it for them, and they strode into the mansion.

They stopped a few steps into the foyer and gawked. The interior was even more lavishly decorated, with floral arrangements, Amestrian flags, and works of art from every province. The floor had been polished until Ed could clearly see his reflection. There were so many lights and candles that it looked like daytime.

“This is where the fuhrer lives?” Al gasped.

“I mean,” Ed said, “it probably doesn’t look like this all the time, but still…”

“Your name, sir?”

Ed jumped at the voice. He turned to see a pair of servants standing at a podium with a large book. One had a pen in his hand and was speaking to Ed.

“Oh, uh… Edward Elric.”

“And your rank?”

“Uh, Major. I’m a State Alchemist.” He reached for his pocket watch, but this wasn’t his usual outfit, and it wasn’t in its usual spot. He patted his clothes until he found the right pocket and held up the watch with a nervous smile.

The servant flipped through the book. “Ah yes, here you are. And may I have the name of your guest?”

“This is my brother, Alphonse Elric.”

“Very good, sir.” The one with the pen scribbled something down. He pointed something out to the other servant, who nodded and stepped out from behind the podium. “Sirs, would you please follow me to the ballroom?”

Ed smiled, trying to look calm and casual. “Of course. Lead the way.”

The boys followed him down a hall and through a large pair of doors. They found themselves at the top of a short flight of stairs, looking down on a room full of party guests milling about with drinks in hand. The servant spoke in a loud, clear voice that echoed through the room, “Now announcing the Fullmetal Alchemist, Major Edward Elric, and his guest, Alphonse Elric.”

Ed froze as everyone turned to stare at him. He whispered to Al, “Am I supposed to say something?”

“Don’t ask me; I’m just your guest.”

The crowd quickly returned to their conversations, and Ed released the breath he had been holding.

The servant bowed to them. “Enjoy the party, gentlemen.” With that, he disappeared back into the hallway, leaving the boys at the top of the stairs.

Al looked at his brother. “Now what?”

“I guess we go party.”

The boys descended the stairs. They had only taken a few steps across the floor when Mustang appeared before them.

“Fullmetal.”

“Colonel.”

“Good to see you followed orders for once.”

“Are you kidding? I couldn’t pass up the chance to dance with you.”

Mustang smirked and gestured to the woman on his arm. “This is my date, Emily. Emily, this is the Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother, Alphonse.”

She smiled and nodded to the boys. “Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, you too.” Ed turned back to Mustang. “So, I’m here like you wanted. Now what?”

“Mingle. Talk to people. Mention what a great CO I am. And fix your uniform, soldier, it’s wrinkled. Actually, it looks too small. You didn’t get a new one?”

“I didn’t think I needed to.”

“Why, because you haven’t grown since you got that?”

_“I have grown!”_

“How old were you when you got that thing, twelve?”

Ed grabbed his brother’s arm. “Come on Al, we’re going to find better company.”

“We’ll be in the parlor,” Mustang said. “It’s a smaller, quieter room. You should join us.”

“We’re allowed to leave the ballroom?”

“As long as you don’t start going through the fuhrer’s stuff, yes.” Mustang waved as he walked away. “Remember, Ed: you promised me a dance.”

Ed grumbled something under his breath and pulled Al along. They found a spot by the window with some breathing room. “Okay Al, see anyone we know?”

Al had the better view. He scanned the ballroom. “No. I thought Hughes and Gracia would be here by now.”

“Maybe they went to another room.”

“I think we should take the Colonel up on his offer and go to the parlor.”

“Are you serious? I’m not about to spend the whole evening with that bastard.”

“But Hughes and Mustang are friends, so they might be in the same place. And I don’t like all these people staring at me…”

Ed’s shoulders drooped. If it would make his brother more comfortable, he had to agree.

“Oh, I see something!”

“What, Hughes?”

“No, food!”

“Even better!”

Al pointed. “It’s over there, against the wall.”

“Alright. I’ll go get a snack, and then we’ll go to the parlor. Think you’ll be okay on your own for a bit?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. But hurry back, please.”

As Ed approached the buffet table, his mouth began watering. It was piled high with _hors d'oeuvres,_ including pastries, sweets, cheeses, fruits, tiny sandwiches, meats, smoked fish, dips, and more. The blank spaces between the dishes were filled with flower arrangements, vases, statuettes, and candles. Not an inch of surface was wasted. The overall effect was garish and decadent and mesmerizing.

Ed grabbed a plate and began piling food on it, popping things in his mouth as he went. He made his way down the length of the table until he bumped into the drinks. A tower of champagne glasses was slowly being dismantled by the guests. There was also a fountain bubbling with another sparkly, and probably alcoholic, beverage. A pile of empty glasses sat next to it. Ed looked to his left. He looked to his right. Nobody was watching. He grabbed a glass, held it under the flowing drink, and then raised it to his lips.

“Edward, put that down.”

He rolled his eyes at the gentle reprimand, but set the glass on the table anyway. He turned around, and his jaw dropped at the sight of Hawkeye. She was wrapped in a floor-length, royal-blue evening gown. It was tasteful, understated and, most importantly, slinky. On top of that, this was the first time Ed had seen her hair down since she had decided to grow it out.

“Uh, Lieutenant, I mean Hawkeye, I mean… you look, uh, very nice.”

“Thank you, Edward.” If she noticed his discomfort, she didn’t show it; she was stoic as ever. “You look very handsome in your uniform.”

He felt his face heat up and mentally kicked himself for it. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“Do you know where the Colonel is?”

“Mustang? Uh yeah, he was on his way to the parlor.”

“Thank you. I’ll go find him now. Enjoy the party.”

“You, too.” Ed waited for her to leave the room before smacking himself on the forehead. “Stupid teenage hormones…”

***

Hawkeye found Mustang in the parlor with his date hanging on both his arm and his every word. She took a moment to steel herself and smooth her hair before approaching him. “Colonel.”

He kept the poker face on, but he couldn’t completely hide his reaction. His eyebrows rose just a sliver, his mouth parted, and his eyes flickered up and down Hawkeye’s body. Perfect. That’s what she was looking for.

“Lieutenant. You’re not in uniform this year.”

“I wanted to try something different.”

“It looks very nice.”

“Thank you.” Apparently, “very nice” was what men said when they wanted to compliment a woman without admitting they were attracted to her. Hawkeye finally turned her attention to the other woman. “And who is this?”

Mustang looked at the woman on his arm as if he was surprised to see her there. However, he quickly recovered. “Emily Fredrickson, my date. Emily, this is First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, my second-in-command.”

Hawkeye nodded to her. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Emily.”

Emily gave her a tight smile. “You too. So you’re a soldier like Roy?” Not _Colonel_ or _Mustang_ , but _Roy_.

“Yes, I am.”

“It must be hard to balance work with your personal life.”

“It is difficult sometimes, but I am perfectly capable of handling it.”

“I’m sure you are. So where’s your date?”

Hawkeye bristled. “I chose not to bring one.”

“Really?” Emily’s smile turned icy. “That’s very avant-garde of you.”

“Well, I didn’t want to be mistaken for a soldier’s date.”

“Oh, I assure you, that’s impossible.”

“I would hope so. Some men just bring the prettiest air-head they can find to act as an accessory and make them look good in front of the other soldiers. I would hate to be confused for one of those poor things.”

Emily didn’t respond. Mustang looked from one woman to the other as the tense silence grew longer.

“Hey, Roy!” Everyone looked up at the sound of Hughes’s voice. He and Gracia had just entered the parlor.

Mustang’s shoulders relaxed. “Hughes. I’m relieved to see you.”

Hughes eyed the trio with a knowing smile. “I bet.”

Gracia smiled at Hawkeye. “Riza, it’s wonderful to see you again. That dress looks beautiful on you. You should wear your hair down more often.”

“Thank you, Gracia. How is Elysia doing?”

Before Gracia could answer, Hughes cried, “Why, she’s phenomenal! She’s just the sweetest thing, you wouldn’t believe how kind she is! When we dropped her off with the sitter…”

***

Ed stood in front of the window with his hands on his hips. “Al? Where’d you go?” He looked around. “For a giant suit of armor, he sure gets lost a lot.” A servant carrying a tray passed him. “Uh, excuse me, have you seen--”

The servant turned to face him. “Of course, here you go, sir.” He bowed and offered the tray of champagne flutes.

Ed blinked. “Oh, uh, thanks.” He took a glass, and the servant promptly continued on. Ed looked into the glass and swirled it a little. He could have a quick taste just to try it, and then go find Al. What was the harm?

_“Edward Elric!”_

Ed nearly dropped the glass. He spun around and found Armstrong towering over him.

“Edward, you know it is both illegal and irresponsible for children to drink alcohol.”

“Aw come on, I was just--”

“If you succumb to these bad habits as a minor, you will never achieve this perfect physical form as an adult.” Armstrong reached up to remove his shirt. “This is the result of the discipline that has been passed down the Armstrong line for--”

“Okay, fine, here, take it.” Ed thrust the champagne into his hands. “By the way, have you seen Al?”

“Have you lost your brother?”

“He was here just a few minutes ago, but now he’s gone.”

“I am sorry Edward, but from my excellent vantage point, I can see that Alphonse is not in this room. Perhaps--”

Ed was already running out the door, the tails of his coat flying behind him. “Al? Al!” His boots clicked against the polished floor as he dashed down the hallway. He skidded to a stop in the foyer. The servants were still signing people in, and a few guests were standing around and talking, but there was no sign of his brother.

He approached the servants at the podium. “Excuse me, have you seen my brother come through here? The guy in the armor?”

The one who announced them earlier answered, “I’m sorry, sir, but we have not.”

“Okay, thanks anyway… say, does that ballroom have a back door?”

“Yes, just enter the hallway behind the staircase and turn left.”

“Thank you.”

Ed strode quickly across the foyer, trying not to look panicked, and then broke into a run when he entered the hall. Upon turning a corner, he saw Al standing with his back against the wall and a crowd of young women surrounding him.

“I heard they call you ‘The People’s Alchemist’ out east! You must be very noble and selfless to earn such a title!”

“Tell me Major Elric, did you bring a date to the ball?”

“They say you’re the youngest State Alchemist, and yet you’re so tall!”

“Who are you sitting with at dinner?”

“You look so mysterious in that armor! Will you be taking it off for the dance?”

Al tried to back up further, but hit the wall. He raised his hands to ward off the horde. “I-I can’t take off the armor--”

“But you must take off your helmet to eat at dinnertime.”

The wall of women pressed closer to Al. Ed approached and started elbowing his way through them.

“Are you shy? There’s no need to be!”

“Yes, we’re sure you’re quite handsome!”

“Why don’t you take the helmet off now?”

Ed reached between two admirers to grab Al’s arm. The younger brother jumped at the touch, but relaxed when he saw who it was. “Big brother!”

“Sorry ladies, but we gotta run.” He immediately pulled Al back out through the path he had forged. The two brothers took off down the hallway at a run.

“Wait! Major Elric!”

Al glanced over his shoulder. The more daring, or perhaps more desperate, women were chasing them. “Brother! They’re coming after us!”

Ed looked back. “Damn it… this way!” He veered to the left and led Al down another hall. Before the ladies could catch up and see them, he opened a random door, ushered Al through it, and then shut it behind them.

“Where are we, Brother?”

“I don’t know… looks like a gallery. Hey, check out these rifles, they look ancient.”

“And there’s a collection of swords and stuff on this wall. This must be some kind of museum for Amestrian weapons.”

“I think you’re right, Al--wait, do you hear that?”

The boys pressed up against the door they came through and listened.

“I don’t see them!” said a woman.

“They definitely came this way. I bet they’re in one of these rooms.”

“Let’s split up and check each one.”

Ed and Al looked at each other with wide eyes. They pushed away from the door and ran off to hide. Moments later, the door creaked open and two pairs of high heels stepped into the gallery. Ed opened the cabinet door just enough to peek through, but quickly shut it as a lady’s skirt passed by. He held his breath and listened.

“I don’t think they’re in here.”

“Alright, let’s try the next one.”

Fabric rustled and heels clicked, and then the door shut again.

“Brother, they’re gone.”

Ed released his breath and crawled out of the cabinet. Al was still standing in the middle of the armor display. “I think we’re safe for now,” the younger brother whispered.

“Yeah, but they’ll find us eventually. Come on, we need to get help.”

They found the gallery’s back door and slipped through. They were creeping down the hallway when a woman’s voice made them jump. “There they are!”

***

“Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc.”

“And your guest?”

“This is Theresa Potter, my date.” Havoc placed an extra emphasis on the last two words.

“Excellent. Would you please follow my colleague to the ballroom?”

As they trailed after the servant, Theresa gazed at the foyer with wide eyes. “I’ve never been in the fuhrer’s mansion before!” she cried in a breathy, sultry voice. “It’s so beautiful!”

“Eh, after your first visit, the novelty wears off,” Havoc said with exaggerated nonchalance.

Theresa squeezed his arm and looked up at him through fluttering lashes. “You must know it so well! Could you show me around?”

“Of course. I’ll show you the art gallery and the garden. There’s even a grotto out back. I’ll give you the grand tour, from the big, fancy rooms to all those cozy, little private places.”

The servant rolled his eyes and reached to open the door to the hallway. However, the door burst open and nearly knocked him to the ground. Ed and Al came barreling through the doorway. “Excuse us, coming through!”

“Sorry!” Al called as he ran past, his armor clanking and thudding.

The servant scoffed and adjusted his waistcoat. Theresa clung to Havoc with a hand clasped to her chest in shock. “What was that about?”

“Oh, that’s just the Elric brothers,” Havoc replied. “Don’t mind them.”

The servant grumbled something about letting children attend a formal party as he led the couple to the ballroom. Once the servant finished announcing them, Havoc and his date joined the party. They were making small talk when Mustang arrived with his date on his arm.

“Lieutenant Havoc.”

“Oh, hey Colonel. Enjoying the party?”

“It’s going well enough. Hughes, Hawkeye and I have been talking in the parlor.”

“Then what are you doing out here?”

“I came to check on Fullmetal and Al.”

“Really? We just ran into the kids back in the foyer. They looked like they were in a hurry.”

Mustang’s expression darkened. “That can’t be good. Thank you for telling me. You’re welcome to come join us in the parlor.”

“Excuse me,” Theresa interrupted, “but aren’t you Colonel Roy Mustang?”

Mustang gave her his standard charming smile. “Indeed I am. And who might you be?”

Theresa disentangled herself from her date and latched on to Mustang’s free arm. “I’m Theresa Potter! I’ve heard so much about you! Everyone says you’re handsome, but I had no idea how handsome!”

Mustang chuckled. “I’m glad to hear my reputation isn’t overselling me.”

“Could you tell me more about yourself, Colonel?”

“What would you like to know?” Mustang and his two dates turned and walked out of the ballroom, leaving Havoc behind with his jaw on the floor.

***

Fuery glanced behind him. “Hey guys, look.” Breda and Falman turned around just in time to see Havoc’s date abandon him.

“Oh man, she’s with Mustang now.”

“It’s over. There’s no way Havoc’s getting her back.”

Fuery grinned. “You said that she would leave him during the dance, and Breda said he wouldn’t even have a date. Looks like I won the bet!”

The two other men groaned and reached for their wallets.

***

Mustang was strolling down the hall with a lady on each arm.

“Tell me, Roy--can I call you Roy?”

“Of course you can.”

“What’s it like, being a State Alchemist?”

“Well, you see--” He stopped at the sound of armor clanking. Moments later, the Elrics appeared at the other end of the hall. “Ed! Al!”

Ed reached him first. “I thought you said you were going to be in the parlor?!”

“I also said you should join me there. When you didn’t, I came to check on you. What are you two doing?”

Ed pointed to his brother over his shoulder. “We got a problem. An army of lonely, desperate women is chasing Al around and asking him to dance.”

“I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

“Yeah yeah, you can brag later.”

Al interrupted, “I’m sorry ladies, but could we please speak to the Colonel in private?”

The two women continued to the parlor while Mustang and the boys huddled in a servants’ corridor. “They’re trying to get me to take my helmet off,” Al explained. “And they pointed out that I’ll have to take it off to eat dinner.”

“So they’ll be staring at you like a flock of starving vultures,” Mustang concluded.

“Exactly,” Ed said. “He can’t go to dinner, or they’ll see that he’s not eating.”

“Hm. This is a problem.” Mustang stroked his chin and smiled. “Aren't you glad I’m here?”


	3. Stealth Mission

Ed clapped his hands and then placed them on the suit of armor. There was a flash of light as the armor changed shape. Ed stepped back to admire his handiwork. “Yup, looks just like you, Al.” 

Falman groaned, “Why am I the one who has to get in it?” 

“Because you’re the tallest,” Mustang replied. “Fuery and Breda won’t fit.” 

“Why don’t you ask Second Lieutenant Havoc to do it?” 

Breda spoke up from where he was guarding the gallery’s door, “The Colonel can’t ask Havoc for a favor after stealing his date.” 

“I didn’t ‘steal’ her, she just dumped Havoc.” 

Someone knocked on the door. “It’s me, Lieutenant.” Breda opened the door to let Hawkeye in. “I found a place in the servants’ quarters,” she said. “Since the staff is busy helping with the party, it’s empty. The boys can stay there for the duration of dinner.” 

“Thanks, Lieutenant,” Al said. “We’ll try not to cause too much trouble.” 

“Too late for that,” Breda quipped. 

Falman suited up and left the gallery. Fuery and Breda followed to keep an eye on him. Once enough time had lapsed for the decoy to reach the ballroom, Hawkeye led the Elrics down through the mansion to the hiding place. It turned out to be a common room for the help, with a sitting area and a dining table. The room was empty save for one maid. She curtsied. “Major Elric, we’ve been informed that you need to eat in privacy. Once dinner is ready to be served, we will bring you a plate.” 

“Wow, thanks. You don’t have to go through all this trouble.” 

Hawkeye said, “Colonel Mustang gave me money to bribe the staff.” 

“Oh.” 

“We’ll come get you after dinner. Will you two get bored in here, or do you need us to bring you something to entertain yourselves with?” 

“Nah, we’ll be good,” Ed replied. “Thanks, Lieutenant.” 

*** 

“Brother, why are we sneaking around like this?” 

“Because it’s boring in there. Besides, how often do we get the chance to look around the fuhrer’s mansion?” 

“Maybe if you hadn’t eaten your dinner so fast, you wouldn’t be bored already.” 

“You remember what Hughes said: after dinner, everyone sits there while a bunch of people give speeches. We’ve got tons of time to kill. Might as well have some fun with it.” 

The brothers stopped at the sound of footsteps. They pressed themselves against the wall and waited until the coast was clear. 

“So where are we going?” Al whispered. 

“Hopefully, somewhere interesting.” They turned a corner into a tight, dark hallway with a door at the end. “This looks promising!” Al had to turn sideways to fit inside the hall, but the boys made it to the end. Ed opened the door, and night air rushed in. “I think we found the back door, Al.” They slipped through and found themselves in the garden. 

The ground was covered in snow, and the place had been decorated to resemble a winter wonderland. Strings of lights hung from the tree branches. Snow clung to the cranberry shrubs and covered the red berries with white flakes. Snowdrop flowers peeked through the frosted ground. The rows of winter heath were already sporting pink buds. 

Ed whistled in awe. “Man, no wonder the Colonel cares so much about climbing the ranks. If this is what you get when you reach the top, I’ll race him there.” 

“Brother, come look at this!” 

Ed followed Al’s voice and found his brother standing in front of a fountain in the middle of the garden. The basin was full of frozen water. “Hm, I think we can improve that.” He clapped his hands and then placed them on the icy surface. The water melted, rushed through the spout, and then froze in mid-air to create a crystalline shower. 

“Let me try!” Al scratched a transmutation circle into the ice and then touched it. This time, the water came out in the shape of a flower before freezing. 

“I’ll do you one better!” Ed transmuted the ice into a giant snowflake. Al followed up by turning it into a rearing horse. Ed changed it into a gargoyle. They went back and forth, trying to one-up each other, until a pipe broke and the fountain started leaking. 

“Brother! Look what you did!” 

“Me?! You were messing with it, too!” 

“How do we fix it?!” 

“How do fountains work?” 

“Don’t ask me!” 

Ed tried transmuting the fountain back to normal. A second pipe burst. “Uh… let’s get out of here, Al.” 

The brothers retreated to the back corner of the garden. “Hey,” Al asked, “what’s this swingset doing here?” 

“I’m pretty sure the fuhrer has a son. I guess this is for him.” Ed jumped up and stood on the seat as he swung back and forth. Al sat down in the snow in front of him. 

“Brother?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Did you want to bring a date to the ball?” 

Ed stopped swinging. “What? Why are you asking?” 

“I was just worried… I thought maybe you wanted to go with a girl, but felt like you had to bring me.” 

Ed smiled. “Al, I’m glad you came with me. If I had brought a date, then I’d be under a lot of pressure to impress her and make her happy. But you and I always have fun together, no matter what we’re doing.” He started swinging again. “Besides, you gave me an excuse to miss all the speechifying. I’d rather go exploring than listen to a bunch of long-winded, old soldiers talk about how great they are. Especially if you’re with me.” 

Al’s posture relaxed. “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks for bringing me.” 

“No problem!” The swingset creaked as Ed moved back and forth. “Hey Al, would you want to bring a date? I mean, if you were invited to one of these shindigs.” 

“Not really.” 

“Aw, come on, there aren’t any girls out there you think are cute?” 

“No… I don’t get what the big deal is.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Al started doodling transmutation circles in the snow. “I mean I don’t get why everyone talks about dating and stuff all the time. Like how Havoc is always trying to find a girlfriend, and Mustang goes on a lot of dates. I just don’t understand why it’s so important to people.” 

The swing slowed to a stop. Al lost his body at age ten. Without physical maturation affecting his mind, Al would never develop an interest in girls, or guys, or whatever. Ed’s grip on the ropes tightened. Why hadn’t he put that together before? Al still had his high-pitched, prepubescent voice. In some ways, he was still naive and simple-minded, despite everything they’d been through. Al wasn’t just missing out on life as a mass of flesh; he was going to miss out on adulthood. And it was all Ed’s fault. 

Ed jumped off the swing. “Come on, let’s go back inside. I’m getting cold.” 

The boys slipped back into the mansion and returned to sneaking through the hallways. At a corner, they paused  to listen and heard the sound of high heels clicking against the floor. They waited for the woman to pass. When she came into view, Al whispered, “That’s the lady Lieutenant Havoc was with!” 

“Before she ran off with Mustang, you mean,” Ed whispered back. “What’s she doing now?” 

“I don’t know, but it’s definitely weird.” Al realized Ed was walking towards her and hissed, “Brother, wait!” 

Ed ignored him and approached the woman. “Excuse me?” 

She gasped and spun around. “Oh, hi! Oh, don’t mind me! I was just, uh, I’m just trying to get back to the dining room.” 

Ed pointed in the direction the woman had come from. “It’s back that way.” 

“Oh, wow! I must have gotten turned around! Ha ha! Thank you, sir.” She curtsied and rushed back down the hall. 

Al walked forward to join Ed. “Brother, why didn’t you stay back there with me?” 

“She was acting weird! I wanted to see what she was up to.” 

“If we had stayed in hiding, we could have followed her.” 

“...Oh.” 

Al sighed. “Well, we can still tell the Colonel about her after dinner.” 

“Speaking of which, I’m hungry again.” 

“You’ve been eating all night!” 

“I want to eat some more.” 

“What, you think stuffing yourself will make you grow taller?” 

_ “Don’t call me an underfed pipsqueak!”  _

“I didn’t!” 

After some more skulking and a little bit of getting lost, they found the pantry. Servants were darting in and out of it and carrying things back to the kitchen. The boys waited for a lull in the activity before slipping inside. 

“Jackpot!” Ed started pawing through the contents, looking for anything that didn’t need to be prepared first. 

“We probably only have a few minutes,” Al said as he peeked out the door. 

“That’s fine; I’ll just load up real fast and then we’ll get out of here.” Ed noticed row of barrels on a shelf. He knocked on one of them, and then looked down and saw a tap at the bottom. “Al, you see any cups in here?” 

“What are you doing?” 

“Nevermind. I’ll just have a quick taste.” Ed knelt down on the floor and maneuvered his head under the tap. 

Al walked over to watch his brother’s antics. “This seems like a really stupid idea.” 

“I won’t get drunk! I just wanna see what it tastes like.” 

“If the barrel’s full, it’s going to come out at a high pressure.” 

Ed bumped his head against the bottom of the shelf and swore. “It’s fine,” he said as he rubbed the sore spot, “I have this under control.” He reached up to grab the tap and opened his mouth. Before he could turn the knob, someone grabbed his leg and yanked him out from beneath the tap. His chest hit the floor, and then he was dragged backwards several feet. “What the hell?!” Ed twisted around and saw Hughes smirking at him. 

“Nice try, kid.” 

Ed pouted as he got to his feet. “How did you find us?” 

“You weren’t where Hawkeye left you, so I figured you went to get more food. Turns out, I was sorta right.” 

“We did come here for some food, but then Ed got distracted.” 

“You don’t have to cover for your brother, Al.” 

“He’s not covering! I really was just looking for a snack!” 

“Right. I just came to check on you two and see if you were bored, but that’s obviously not the case. Have you been anywhere else in the mansion?” 

Ed and Al exchanged glances. “Uh…” 

“I take it that’s a _ yes _ ,” Hughes said. “Did you break anything?” 

“Uh…” 

“That’s another  _ yes _ .” 

“Just the fountain,” Ed said. 

“We tried to fix it,” said Al, “but we couldn’t figure out how fountains work.” 

Hughes rubbed the back of his neck and groaned. “That’s coming out of your pay, not mine.” He jerked his thumb towards the door. “You two boys come with me. And fix your uniform, Ed, it’s wrinkled.” 

“That’s because you dragged me across the floor!” 

As Ed adjusted his clothes, Al spoke to Hughes. “We saw Havoc’s date in one of the back hallways.” 

“I thought she was with Roy?” 

“When we saw her back there, she was alone. And when we asked her what she was doing, she said she was trying to find the dining hall. But she was walking away from it.” 

Hughes frowned. “That’s definitely weird. Thanks for telling me.” 

Once Ed was ready to go, the brothers followed Hughes through the mansion. “Where are we going?” Al asked. 

“Somewhere you two can entertain yourselves without getting into trouble.” 

Their destination turned out to be the fuhrer’s private library. Ed ran to the nearest shelf. “Hey Al, come look!” He started pulling books off. “Some of these can’t even be found at the Central Library!” 

Hughes smiled. “Remember: I didn’t actually get permission for you to be here. So make sure you put everything back exactly the way you found it.” 

“We will! Thanks, Hughes!” 

“Yeah, thank you!” 

“I’ll come back and get you when it’s time for the dancing to start. You boys have fun!” 

Ed was already absorbed in a book. Al answered instead, “Alright. Thank you, Hughes!” 

Hughes was still smiling as he shut the door behind him and headed back to the dining hall. “What a pair…” 


	4. Oh Crap, It's Prom All Over Again

Hughes and the Elric brothers stood at the top of the ballroom stairs. “Well boys, here it is. Are you ready?”

An orchestra had materialized while they were gone. In the middle of the room, everyone was doing the waltz. Onlookers loitered around the perimeter, either awaiting or dreading their turn to dance. Ed gulped. Al asked, “Do we have to dance?”

“You should at least give it a try. Come on, it might be fun!” Hughes spotted Gracia. “Welp, gotta run!” He descended the stairs and left the boys to fend for themselves.

***

“Cheer up, Havoc,” Fuery said. “I’m sure you’ll find someone to dance with.”

Havoc slouched against the wall and muttered into his drink, “Mustang will probably steal her, too.”  

“Look,” Falman said, “the Colonel’s dancing with a different girl now. He’s just flirting with everyone. It’s nothing personal.”

“If he’s not dancing with Theresa, then where did she go and why didn’t she come back to me?”

Breda replied, “I think you’ll find your answer in a mirror.”

“You think you’re real funny, don’t you?”

Fuery saw Hawkeye approaching and snapped to attention. “Lieutenant Hawkeye! Do you need something?”

“Relax, Fuery,” she said. “Havoc, I understand that your date ran off with the Colonel earlier.”

“Yes, this is just what I need right now, another person to rub it in…”

“Do you need someone to dance with?”

Jaws dropped. Havoc asked, “Are you offering?”

“I am, yes.”

Havoc stood up straight and handed his drink to Fuery. “Well then, I accept.” He held his hand out. Hawkeye took it, and they walked to the middle of the dance floor together. “So, what made you want to dance with me?”

“I just didn’t want you to feel completely rejected.”

“Well, that’s very kind of you, Lieutenant. By the way, how does Mustang feel about this?”

“What does he have to do with us dancing?”

“You’re not trying to make him jealous, are you?”

Hawkeye didn’t say anything, just glowered at Havoc. He chuckled. “That answers that question. Where is he?” Hawkeye nodded towards Havoc’s eight o’clock. He glanced in that direction and caught Mustang staring at them. The Colonel’s gaze darkened slightly before he looked away. Havoc smirked and returned his attention to his dance partner. “Anything that upsets the Colonel is a good thing in my book. You wanna give him a real reason to be jealous?”

Hawkeye lit up and smirked back. “I’ll follow your lead.”

The pair waited for Mustang to look their way again. When he did, Havoc stared him dead in the eye as he pulled Hawkeye closer. Mustang’s eyes widened in shock, then he frowned and pulled his own partner closer. Havoc responded by spinning Hawkeye around; when he pulled her back in, he placed his hand lower on her hip than it was before. He smiled at the Colonel.

Hawkeye drew closer to whisper in Havoc’s ear, “I think it’s working.”

“Really? I can’t tell. It looks like Mustang’s trying to set me on fire with just his glare, but that could mean anything.”

“Dip me.”

“The music doesn’t really call for that.”

“I don’t care. Just dip me.”

Havoc moved his hand to her upper back and then lowered Hawkeye backwards. He gasped when he felt her leg wrap around his. “The Colonel’s going to burn the ballroom down if you keep this up.”

“Can you see him?”

“Yeah, lean your head back.”

Hawkeye dropped her head and watched Mustang upside-down. He was staring slack-jawed. Havoc and Hawkeye exchanged glances and then smiled at the Colonel.

“Ow! Colonel Mustang, are you trying to break my hand?!” Mustang’s partner pulled away from him. Havoc and Hawkeye stood up straight to watch the drama unfold.

“What?”

“You had a deathgrip on me! What’s wrong with you?”

“Oh, I’m sorry…”

“I don’t know why I wanted to dance with you so badly! You obviously don’t know how to treat a woman.” She turned on her heel and stormed off.

“Cassie, wait!”

“My name’s Margaret!”

Mustang gave the Lieutenants one last look before running after Margaret.

Havoc and Hawkeye released each other. Havoc took a step back and bowed. “Thank you for the dance, Lieutenant. It was a pleasure.”

Hawkeye curtsied. “The pleasure was all mine, Lieutenant.” She saluted him. “Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

He saluted back. “You too, Riza.”

***

“Wow.” Ross pointed at the dance floor. “Did you see that?”

“No kidding,” Brosh said. “I’ve never seen a woman get so mad at Colonel Mustang.”

“What do you suppose it was about?”

“Beats me. I guess that’s what being a womanizer gets you.” He watched Ross out of the corner of his eye. “Guess he’s in the same boat as us, now.”

“What boat?”

“Not having anyone to dance with.”

“Yes, I suppose.”

Brosh stuffed his hands in his pockets. “But I mean, hey, we get to stand here and hang out, right? So it’s fine.”

“Yes, it is.”

“But still, it’d be nice to have someone to dance with.”

“I suppose it would.”

“Too bad there’s no one here but the two of us. Us two people. Together. At the ball.”

“Is this conversation going somewhere, Sergeant?”

“I…” Brosh sighed. “I’m just rambling.”

***

Mustang was sulking and nursing a drink when Hughes found him. “Struck out, huh?” Mustang just grunted in response. Hughes looked around. “So where did Havoc’s date go?”

“Theresa? I don’t know. She excused herself during dinner, and I haven’t seen her since.”

Hughes frowned. “The Elrics said they saw her sneaking around the mansion. They thought she looked pretty suspicious.”

“Why were the Elrics wandering around the place?”

Hughes smirked. “They’re teenage boys. They’re not going to sit quietly in the corner just because you told them to.”

Mustang sighed. “Why can’t I get that boy to listen to me?”

“You’re his CO, just order him to do what you want.”

“I don’t want to have to resort to that.”

“Ah, I see.” Hughes placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Roy, if you’re not happy with your relationship with Ed, maybe you should take a look at yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Hughes looked around and lowered his voice, “you deliberately created this reputation as a lazy, womanizing bastard who only cares about climbing the ladder. If you were a teenager, would you respect that person?”

Mustang just stared into his drink without answering.

“Do you want to dance?”

“What? No.”

“Aw, come on! Just one dance?”

“Where’s Gracia? Go dance with her.”

“I already danced with her. Now I want to dance with you.”

“I’m not dancing with you, Maes.”

“Why not?”

“We’ll look ridiculous.”

“You always look ridiculous.”

“No I don’t!”

“Yes, you do. You make an effort to look ridiculous. We just discussed this.”

Mustang frowned. “Fine. One dance. That’s it.”

Hughes grinned. “Great! I’ll lead.”

“Oh no, you won’t. I’m leading.”

“Alright, alright, suit yourself.”

***

“Why are you eating again?” Al asked.

“Because I didn’t get anything from the pantry.”

“So why do I have to stand here and watch you eat?”

“Because I’m not leaving you alone to get mobbed again.”

The other guests were full from dinner, so Ed had the whole snack table to himself. The _hors d'oeuvres_ had been scaled down now that dinner was over, but there were still some leftovers. The empty space was now dedicated to drinks.

“Hey Al, cover for me.”

“Why?”

“Just stand there so no one can see me.”

“Are you trying to drink alcohol again?”

“So what if I am?” Ed grabbed Al by the arm and moved him to the left. “There, just like that. Let me know if anyone we know comes over.”

“I don’t want to get in trouble for helping you.”

“You won’t get in trouble!”

“Hughes thought I was lying to cover for you.”

“If anyone catches us, we’ll tell them I put you up to it.”

“I’m just going to walk away and pretend I don’t know what you’re doing.”

“What? Al! Come back!”

Too late. Al was already crossing the room. Ed sighed and turned back to the table. He would have to make this quick so he could get back to Al before the mob found him again. He grabbed a glass. It was halfway to his lips when it vanished. “What the hell?!” Ed spun around. Mustang was towering over him and holding the confiscated wine. “Aw, come on! Why won’t anyone let me just try it?”

“Because you’re still a kid, and your brain is still developing. Alcohol will affect you differently than it would an adult.”

“Stop treating me like a kid!”

“Then stop acting like one,” Mustang snapped. “Hughes told me what you and Al have been up to. You disobeyed my orders, ran around the mansion, broke the fuhrer’s fountain, and raided his panty for booze.” Ed wouldn’t look him in the eye. Mustang continued, “I ordered you to attend this party because I assumed you would behave like an adult.”

Ed grumbled, “Oh, like you’re one to talk.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ed met his gaze. “You stole Havoc’s date.”

“I didn’t steal her, she dumped him.”

“And then you paraded around, showing off your two dates.”

“She latched on to me, I couldn’t help it.”

“And you only wanted me to come to this shindig so I could make you look good in front of your superiors.”

Mustang didn’t have a response for that one.

Ed waited. When it became clear Mustang wouldn’t say anything, he let out an exasperated huff and brushed past him.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to find Al. I’ve been away from him for too long.”

“We’re not done talking.”

“Then spit out whatever it is you want to say so we can finish.”

The Colonel pressed his lips together. “I have high expectations for you.”

“Yeah, so I can get you a promotion.”

“No, because you have a lot of potential and I don’t want you to waste it.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit. You’re a bright kid, Ed. You can go far.”

“I don’t want to go far! I just want to get Al’s body back so everything can go back to normal.”

“And then what are you going to do after that? Do you have any plans for the future beyond fixing your brother? What about a career? A purpose in life?”

Ed growled, “I’ve got bigger problems.”

“That doesn’t mean your other problems don’t exist.”

“Not everyone’s like you, Colonel. Some of us care about more than just status and power.”

“You can do stuff with that status and power, _Fullmetal_. Just like how you’re using your status and power as a State Alchemist to help your brother.”

“What’s your point? What do you want from me?!”

Mustang sighed. “I want you to be better than me.”

Ed rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I’m out of here. I need to go use my status and power as a State Alchemist to rescue my brother from his mob of rabid fangirls.” He turned and charged into the crowd.

“Stupid bastard,” he muttered as he weaved through the dancers. “Thinks he can lecture me, he should take a look in the mirror…” He stopped. Did Al mention where he was going? Ed looked around. He was in the middle of the dance floor, couples swaying and spinning all around him.

“Why Major, I had no idea you were such a wonderful dancer!”

“It is only natural, my dear! The grace and rhythm you see before you have been passed down the Armstrong line for--”

Ed moved on.

He exited the ballroom through the back door. “Hey Al, you back here?” No sign of him or his army of admirers. Ed followed the hall to the gallery. Al wasn’t hiding in the armor display. Ed scratched his head. “Man, I hope those crazy ladies didn’t tear him apart.”

He was about to open the door and return to the hallway when he heard a voice on the other side: “Who let you in? You’re not guests…”

Ed pressed his ear to the door. A gruff voice answered, “The Eastern Liberation Front. Do as we say, and you might survive the night.”


	5. It Was Colonel Mustang in the Parlor with the Candlestick

Mustang shut the door behind him and sighed. The parlor’s dark woods and simple decor were a welcome respite from the bright, glittering ballroom. And, best of all, it was empty. 

The Colonel shut off the ceiling lamp and snapped his fingers to light all the candles in the room. He slumped into one of the plush lounge chairs and pinched the bridge of his nose. Why was he so bad at communicating with the kid? Why couldn’t he connect to Fullmetal? He ran a hand through his hair. He already knew the answer: he was too messed up. Ishbal had permanently damaged him. The only people he related to were those who understood the sacrifices he had made and the burden he now carried. Fullmetal was not one of those people. That kid would never be a soldier. No matter what uniform he wore or rank he held, he would never give his loyalty to the military. As long as that was the case, he and Mustang wouldn’t see eye-to-eye. 

Maybe that was his role in Fullmetal’s life: a counter-example to keep the kid from following the same path Mustang walked. If he could stop Ed from making the same mistakes, he could be content with their relationship. 

“Getting lonely in here?” 

Mustang turned around in his chair. Havoc’s date was standing by the door. What was her name? Oh right, Theresa. He put the mask back on and gave her a flirtatious smirk. “Not anymore.” 

Theresa crossed the room and perched on the chair’s armrest. “Why are you hiding back here? Don’t you like dancing?” 

“I just needed a break from the crowd and the noise.” 

“Maybe I could help you relax.” She draped an arm across the back of the chair. “You carry such a great burden.” 

Mustang smiled up at her. “I could use some help easing that burden.” Taking someone home would give this disastrous evening a silver lining. And maybe he could forget how much of a wretch he was for a couple hours. 

Theresa leaned over him. “Mm, let’s start with easing your gloves off. I heard they’re made of a special cloth for your alchemy. What do they feel like?” 

Mustang offered a hand. “Why don’t you find out for yourself?” 

She tentatively touched his palm, and her eyes widened. “It’s rough… but it feels nice.” Mustang watched her expression as she began caressing his hand. With each stroke, she pressed a little harder and explored a little further. She looked up to meet his gaze. “Can I try it on?” 

“If you help me take it off.” 

Theresa grinned and slowly peeled the glove off one finger at a time. After she slipped her own hand inside, Mustang offered her the other glove. She performed the same tease, gripping him at the wrist and drawing out each movement for as long as possible. Once she had both gloves on, she held out her hands and admired them. “These symbols on the back are how you do your alchemy?” 

“Yes, they are.” Mustang grabbed her right hand. It was weird to feel his gloves on someone else. “When I snap my fingers, it creates a spark.” He traced the transmutation circle with a light, teasing touch. “And this lets me change the properties of the air to turn that spark into a fire.” 

Her eyes sparkled. “And that’s why they’re so rough.” With her other hand, she reached forward run her fingers along Mustang’s jaw. “To create that spark.” 

Mustang leaned his face into her touch. He said in a low, dark voice,  “That’s right.” 

Theresa placed her hand under his chin and drew his face closer. She raised her thumb to caress his lower lip. And then she leaned in close and whispered against his cheek, “To bad the fire’s going to die tonight.” 

Her hand left his chin and clamped down on his throat. 

Mustang gasped and scrambled to pull her hand away. Theresa shifted so she was straddling the Colonel and pushing him into the chair with her weight. Mustang released her right hand and grabbed at the one squeezing his throat. As he tried to pry her fingers off, he saw her reaching under her skirt with her free hand. He connected the dots. Before she could grab whatever weapon she was hiding in there, he reached up and jammed a finger into her eye socket. 

Theresa--if that was her real name--screamed and reeled back. She released Mustang’s neck and pressed both hands to her wounded eye. Mustang took the opportunity to punch her across the face and push her off the chair. 

Damn it, why did he hand his gloves over? What kind of idiot was he? Theresa hadn’t gotten up yet. Mustang jumped on her and pinned her to the floor, holding her neck with one hand and restraining her hands with the other. “Alright, start talking. Who are you? Are you here on your own or working for someone?” 

She answered with a knee to his groin. Mustang grunted and rolled over, clutching the wounded organ. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Theresa reaching under her skirt again. He kicked at her, but she rolled out of the way. Damn it, if she got a gun into her hands, it would be all over. Mustang looked around. The coffee table sported some books, a chess set, and a candlestick. Well, he found a fire, but he didn’t have anything to draw a transmutation circle. There was only one option. 

Mustang scrambled over to the coffee table, grabbed a book, and flung it at Theresa. She had finally managed to pull her pistol out. She looked up just in time for the book to catch her square in the face. The impact made her squeeze the trigger. The bullet buried itself in the floor next to Mustang’s knee. He gasped and pulled his legs closer to his body. 

As Theresa recovered from the power of the written word, Mustang grabbed the candlestick and charged forward. He grabbed her gun hand, placed his thumb over the glove’s transmutation circle, and pressed the candle’s flame to her arm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my dad for that Clue pun.


End file.
